Trump Says “Fuck It”—Ready to Act Presidential, Tired of the ‘Fake News’ and Disinformation
In a stunning shift that’s left the political world reeling, Donald Trump has officially had enough. After years of battling Russian disinformation, the Mueller report, and an unending barrage of so-called “fake news,” the former president has decided it’s time to quit playing the villain and start acting like the “presidential” figure he always knew he could be—just as soon as everyone stops making fun of him.
Sources close to Trump report that after yet another wild weekend of endless media mockery, online memes, and that infamous Russian collusion investigation that still won’t go away, the 45th president has made a bold declaration: “Fuck it. I’m going to start acting presidential.”
“After all these years of Russia, Mueller, fake news, and people calling me names, it’s clear—nobody appreciates greatness,” Trump said, reportedly while munching on a Big Mac and staring at the TV. “But you know what? I’m ready to give the people what they want. I’m going to be more presidential than ever—starting right now. No more tweets, no more tantrums, no more name-calling.”
Trump’s decision comes after nearly four years of being mocked, investigated, and relentlessly taunted by pundits, comedians, and anyone who can spell “Twitter troll.” From the Russia investigation (which, let’s be honest, had more twists than a soap opera) to the endless reports that just couldn’t seem to get their facts straight, the former president has finally reached his breaking point.
“I’ve put up with all this fake news, the phony Russian stories, the witch hunts,” Trump said. “And you know what? I’m done. People keep asking, ‘Where’s the dignity? Where’s the class?’ Well, it’s right here. I’m bringing it back. You’ll see. I’m going to act like a leader. I’m going to act like someone who knows how to run the country.”
Sources inside the Trump camp say the former president is now taking steps to “reinvent himself” in the most presidential way possible. This includes a new daily routine: starting his mornings with a reading of the Constitution (which, for the record, he’s never quite understood but insists is “very, very important”), a trip to the golf course to practice his putting (for the sake of “national unity,” he says), and hosting daily briefings that he will attend only if they are “fair” and “not rigged.”
His first act of true presidential behavior? A public statement of unity. “I’m bringing the country together,” Trump proclaimed, standing before a mirror in his Mar-a-Lago suite, muttering to himself. “I’m going to be so classy. You won’t believe it. Just wait.”
Despite these new promises of political maturity, critics remain skeptical. “We’ve heard this before,” one anonymous source within the GOP said. “He’ll probably be back on Twitter by next week, calling people names and insulting everyone under the sun.”
Trump, however, remains adamant that this time is different. “They’ve all mocked me for long enough,” he added, shaking his head. “Now, I’m going to show them. I’m going to be presidential, in the best way possible. Just wait for the next chapter—it’s going to be huge.”
In the meantime, Trump’s plans include laying low on social media, at least for a few days, and focusing on real, substantive presidential matters like “making America great again” and “winning the right way” (whatever that means). So, as the world holds its breath, it seems Donald Trump’s next move might just be his most presidential yet. Or maybe it’s just another tease for another tweet.
Stay tuned.
