Harris Launches ‘Fight Fund’ to ‘Challenge Trump’ – Experts Say She’s Just Dodging Debt Collectors
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the remnants of her presidential campaign swirling down the drain and $20 million in debt to her name, former candidate Kamala Harris has announced the launch of the “Harris Fight Fund.” Billed as a bold initiative to hold Donald Trump accountable, insiders say it’s really just a glorified collection plate aimed at paying off the mountain of IOUs left in the wake of her $1 billion campaign.
“Look, we all know what this is about,” grumbles a longtime political aide on the Hill, speaking under condition of anonymity. “The ‘Harris Fight Fund’ is just a fancy label slapped on her latest fundraising scheme. She says it’s to challenge Trump, but we all know she’s using this to dig out of debt. A hundred people were surveyed—both Democrats and Republicans—and literally every single one of them rolled their eyes and said the same thing: ‘She’s just looking for cash.’”
To drive home the absurdity of her appeal, her campaign’s latest pitch proudly proclaims, “With just $25, we can show Donald Trump who’s boss!” Though the text doesn’t say it outright, sources suggest that $25 is more likely to go toward covering Harris’s campaign travel tabs and hotel minibar bills than anything even remotely Trump-related.
Another source, a veteran Republican campaign strategist, chuckled when asked about Harris’s latest stunt. “Kamala’s acting like she’s gearing up for some heroic fight, but in reality, she’s out here like a junkie scouring under the couch cushions for spare change. She’s gone through the entire establishment donor network and run up a tab so high that now she’s launching a ‘Fight Fund’—and it’s not just to pay back debts to her own staff, but to a list of creditors that’s longer than her resume.”
Skeptics wonder what exactly she plans to do with the “Fight Fund,” with one D.C. insider quipping that “Fight Fund” seems to mean “Fight For My Financial Survival Fund.”
A former campaign manager, speaking on condition of anonymity, painted an even starker picture. “I think everyone in Washington knew her campaign was spending like a college kid with their first credit card. I mean, we’re talking about someone who had a $1 billion budget and still somehow managed to end up in the hole by $20 million. How do you even do that?”
Several of her donors were polled as well, and responses ranged from confused disbelief to outright scorn. “She says she’s fighting Trump, but we all know what’s really going on,” said one former donor, who initially contributed to her campaign. “I gave her $1,000, and now I’m getting emails asking for more so she can ‘keep up the fight’? I swear, I’m starting to feel like a chump.”
The Fight Fund’s website, emblazoned with a grimly determined headshot of Harris, offers a list of causes supposedly in need of support. Among them: “restoring integrity,” “keeping Trump accountable,” and “upholding democracy.” But the fine print reveals that 95% of donations go straight into a mysterious category labeled “Personal Recovery.”
Another source who’s been working with Harris since the beginning had a less-than-optimistic outlook on the whole venture: “Look, I love Kamala, but right now, she’s just looking for a quick fix—like a gambling addict who’s already hocked their jewelry and is about to bet their shoes. I mean, if she doesn’t pull in enough cash, she’s going to have to sell her own house! And you really think the Harris ‘Fight Fund’ is going to change anything for Trump? He probably hasn’t even heard of it. This is about paying down her mess, plain and simple.”
As the funds start to trickle in, one D.C. insider likened Harris’s appeal to “a college freshman realizing too late that credit card debt is real.” And so, as the donation pleas continue, the former vice-presidential hopeful finds herself back on the stump, hawking promises of a valiant, unyielding ‘fight’—against a foe that’s most likely her own financial ruin.
Despite the grumbling, Harris is reportedly optimistic that her supporters won’t mind a little creative accounting. In fact, in her latest email, she described the Fight Fund as a “historic opportunity” to “show the world what we’re made of” (and, presumably, how much she can extract from those who haven’t caught on yet).
For those looking to donate, Harris’s team promises that every dollar given will be a “statement of principle.”
