It’s official: die-hard Republicans are so excited to vote for Tulsi Gabbard in the 2028 presidential election that many would prefer to cast their ballots today, just to secure their “First Vote First” bragging rights.
While Tulsi has not formally announced any run for president, it hasn’t stopped enthusiastic voters from readying their pens and inking their ballots years in advance. “She’s kind of hot, but in a Presidential way,” said Carl Henderson, a die-hard Trump supporter and a self-described “Tulsi guy since Thursday.” “You’re talking about a woman who surfs! In her 40s! When was the last time a politician was even in the ocean? We’re talking charisma, folks, and she doesn’t even need a tan.”
Many Republicans claim Tulsi brings a refreshing, tropical breeze to the field. “She beats the pantsuits off of Hillary and Kamala,” one voter enthused, noting her preference for board shorts over blazers. “And she doesn’t lecture us. She just stands there and looks… like she gets it. She’s got a way of making you think she might have once eaten a hot dog at a county fair, you know?”
For Republicans, Tulsi seems to represent everything they hadn’t realized they were missing. “She’s a smart, attractive woman behind Donald Trump,” said Mark Simmons, a lifelong GOP voter. “I didn’t know those existed. I just thought… well, I thought all smart, attractive women voted Democrat.”
It remains to be seen whether Gabbard herself will be placing “I’m With Her” bumper stickers on her surfboard in 2028, but one thing is certain: the GOP fan base is ready to ride the Tulsi wave, election cycle or not.
