Spirit Airlines’ ‘Woke Departure Sale’—$199 One-Way to Escape America for Democrats Looking for a New Home
In an unprecedented move to cater to the “progressive” side of the American political spectrum, Spirit Airlines has announced a limited-time sale offering one-way flights for only $199 to any Democrat who wants to leave the United States—with proof of a new residence. The move is part of Spirit’s bold new initiative to improve its image with Americans and provide a “helping hand” to those who find the current state of the country, well, a bit too much to handle.
“We know how tough things have gotten for some Americans under the current administration,” said Spirit Airlines CEO Ted Christie. “We figured, why not offer a way out? We want to give these individuals a chance to breathe freely, away from all that divisiveness. And we’ve got the planes ready to go. They just need to pack their bags—and leave their old lives behind!”
The Great Woke Escape: Here’s How It Works
For only $199, Spirit Airlines is offering a one-way ticket to any progressive-minded individual who wants to make a clean break from America. The only catch? You need to show proof that you’ve secured new residency in a country that aligns with your progressive ideals.
And yes, you read that right: proof of new residence—because Spirit’s “Woke Departure Sale” is serious about helping people leave the country and find peace in a more progressive, utopian society.
But that’s not all! Spirit is going above and beyond for this special sale by offering an additional “service” that will make this departure even more definitive: passports will be shredded upon arrival. That’s right—say goodbye to your old life and embrace the new you. No more return tickets, no more re-entry. It’s a clean break, a new beginning, and no turning back.
“We wanted to make sure there are no ‘I’ve changed my mind’ moments,” said Christie. “Once your passport is shredded, you’ll be free to enjoy your new life with no ties to the old one. No regrets, no going back.”
Top 4 Destinations for Woke Americans
Spirit has handpicked four destinations where woke Americans can truly thrive. These countries offer progressive policies, eco-friendly initiatives, and (most importantly) the political atmosphere these individuals crave. The planes are filling up fast, so here’s a sneak peek at some of the hottest options:
- Sweden: The land of socialism and social justice. With free healthcare, extensive parental leave, and a government that understands the delicate balance of gender-neutral pronouns, Sweden is the perfect haven for any Democrat who wants to leave behind America’s chaotic political scene. You’ll find like-minded folks who are already on board with the whole ‘cancel culture’ thing. Plus, no one ever gets offended if you don’t finish your meatballs!
- Denmark: Known for being one of the happiest countries on Earth, Denmark promises to provide a peaceful life for any progressive soul looking for tranquility in a land of clean energy and a generous welfare state. Bonus: It’s basically impossible to be “woke enough” for Denmark. They’re already ahead of the curve!
- New Zealand: With its pristine environment, progressive politics, and Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern (who seems to agree with just about everything anyone says), New Zealand is an ideal destination for those looking to escape the harsh realities of the United States. You can enjoy sheep, mountains, and a government that listens—what could be better?
- Canada: Of course, Canada is on the list. It’s close, it’s friendly, and it’s a politically-correct paradise. With universal healthcare, a “woke” government that’s always in the mood for a good apology, and an endless supply of Tim Hortons coffee, Canada is calling. But beware: Immigration officers may question your commitment to the cause if you haven’t already pledged allegiance to Justin Trudeau’s sweater collection.
Hurry—Flights Are Filling Up Fast!
Spirit Airlines is warning potential travelers that this is a limited-time offer. According to the airline, planes are filling up faster than expected—so act quickly if you want to leave America behind for good. “We’ve had a tremendous response,” said Christie. “The first batch of flights to Sweden is already booked up. We’re talking high demand here. If you’re planning to head to Denmark or New Zealand, you might want to get your tickets before they’re gone.”
And don’t forget: proof of your new residency is required at check-in. “We’ll even help you with some of the paperwork,” Christie said, “because we want this to be as easy as possible for you. We’re not just flying you out—we’re sending you to a better world.”
Critics Weigh In
While many have hailed the move as an altruistic gesture by Spirit Airlines to help people follow their dreams, some critics have expressed concern. “It’s a little disheartening to think that these folks are just going to leave without trying to change their own country,” said conservative pundit Ben Shapiro. “Maybe they should try a local election instead of running off to a foreign country. But hey, if they really want to go, Spirit’s deal is a good one. Might as well take advantage of it.”
Regardless of the backlash, Spirit’s Woke Departure Sale is gaining traction—and for just $199, many Democrats are eagerly booking flights to political utopias far from the land of the free and the home of the brave.
So, if you’ve had enough of America and are ready to embrace a new world of progressive policies, cozy healthcare systems, and eternal woke-ness, now’s your chance to finally leave it all behind. Book your ticket today—but remember, this is a one-way flight to freedom. Pack your bags, and don’t forget to bring your shredding-approved passport!
