Trump Declares War on California’s “Insane” Policies, Vows to Make It “Great Again” by Making It “Trump-Proof”
In a scathing post on Truth Social, President-elect Donald Trump lashed out at California Gov. Gavin Newsom for calling a special session to beef up the state’s defenses against his incoming presidency. Trump, clearly fed up with the Golden State’s endless attempts to thwart his greatness, declared, “Governor Gavin Newscum is trying to KILL our Nation’s beautiful California.”
The post continued with a series of highly intellectual, nuanced political arguments, including a full 15 minutes of capitalization and a rehashing of every grudge he’s ever held against California. “He is using the term ‘Trump-Proof’ as a way of stopping all of the GREAT things that can be done to ‘Make California Great Again,’” Trump raged, clearly fired up over the possibility that California might not want to roll over and accept his brilliance.
Newsom had announced the special legislative session to counter Trump’s expected moves on abortion, electric vehicles, immigration, and disaster aid—policies Trump claims are part of the “totally fake, un-American” war on freedom. In retaliation, Trump unleashed a tirade that read like the world’s worst Yelp review of California, with special focus on the state’s water-conservation policies, emissions standards, and the “so-called” homelessness crisis. “People are being forced to leave due to his, & other’s, INSANE POLICY DECISIONS,” Trump posted, presumably on a gold-plated iPhone.
Not to be outdone, California leaders have vowed to once again stand as the “resistance” to Trump’s plans—rebooting their role as the rebellious teenager of the union who just wants to “find themselves” and “be free from bad ideas.” Newsom, possibly wearing a leather jacket and flicking his hair dramatically, said Thursday, “The freedoms we hold dear in California are under attack — and we won’t sit idle. We’ll continue to refuse to follow the rules of a reality TV star with an office.”
Despite Trump’s best efforts to get California to embrace his vision of a “perfect” nation, Newsom is resolute. “We’re not just going to sit back and let this orange-tinted maniac destroy what’s left of our state. We’ve been sued so many times by this guy, we have our own legal team on speed dial.”
While other blue states like New York and Illinois are also bracing for the Trump tsunami, it’s California that continues to bear the brunt of his wrath. Trump’s latest meltdown read like a greatest hits list of his personal grievances: “WATER! EVs! EMISSIONS! HOMELESSNESS! WHY IS EVERYTHING HERE SO EXPENSIVE?!”
One thing is clear: Trump’s plan to Make California Great Again (by making it more Trump-Proof, because that makes sense) is still in full swing. Meanwhile, Newsom’s special session, set to kick off on Dec. 2, will likely involve more legal action, and possibly a full-on wrestling match, depending on how angry things get.
Stay tuned for the inevitable face-off when Trump’s “best ideas ever” meet California’s best lawyers and even better avocado toast.
